Blog 12: Broken families are to be blamed.

From my past blogs I have been writing things about “broken families are to be blame for the violence happening in the society.” I have cited examples that could probably be the cause like bullying, financial problem, films, media and more. Then I started thinking about people who opposes this idea. One example is Tony blare.

According to an article of Metro (News): ‘Don’t blame broken homes for guns.’ Tony Blair opposes people who are saying that all people who come from a broken family are the reason for the violence of the society he stated that this social issues must not be generalized, that the actual thing was there were specific problem to specific family. According to his opinion, People must not blame broken homes for the Britain’s gun and gang culture.

He stated that families must be dealt in a “special case.” Because it is a general problem
“If you end up saying there is a general problem then you can talk about tax breaks for marriage, extra money on tax credits, extra child benefit. All of those would help all families.”
But again, for his opinion it should not be generalized because, not everyone encountering such issues of being in a broken family has to do with this social issue.

“Those families are families who, fortunately are a small number, but their problems are so intense and so profound and they are so shut out from the normal way of living in our society that unless you are prepared to intervene at a very early stage … you are not going to deal with it.”

Because of what Tony Blair said made me think about a lot of thing, I am from a broken family and when I was young I bully people and one of the main reasons was because of the situation happening in my family and even a “simple bullying” affects the society. Although it is not as tremendous of what had happen to Britain, it may be a simple violence but it may actually be the start of something tremendous.

Maybe not all children from a broken family does this because, people are different. Parents have their own way of raising their children. It is really depending on how ones parent or guardian orients children. At the moment my mother figured out that I was bullying students in school. It was the happiest moment in my life because, that was the moment when my mother and I became open with each other. I shared my insights, my deeper hidden feelings with her. That was actually very effective, parents may not be able to intervene their lives early, I could cite the example of what my mother did to me, and in spite of what had happen to us she still became a mother and a parent to me. Things aren’t too late for everyone. But, as early as possible “build a family” even though it is broken, you are still in a family.

Again, we must not blame all parents just because of this incident; they may be a big part of what had happen but, maybe this incident must be a warning for every family. This is a lesson for everyone.

Post 11: Blended Families

Have you ever imagine how are you going to be if you are part of a blended family?

A Blended Family is a family formed from broken families. According to Merriam Webster, “Blended Family is a family that includes children of a previous marriage of one spouse or both.” As I was researching random things about broken family and divorce I was brought to this site “Separation and Divorce”  According to Family TLC, Blended families are: “Children accepting a step parent and step siblings, the introduction of half-siblings resulting in jealousy and family conflict, starting a relationship with a step child and learning how to parent both biological children and step children in a harmonious manner.” I think anything that is close with this kind of situation.

According to Nikki Philipps’ article “Blended Families: Merging Two Families Under One Roof”

“…trying to raise the children of your spouse or partner from a previous marriage or relationship is a trial by error task at best”

It would be a very hard task and a bold decision for the two different parents to merge their families in one home. It should be a bold decision and children must be well-oriented about this.

Let us use Drake and Josh (a children TV show) as an example, it is a movie about blended families. It’s a story about two teenage guys (Drake and Josh) who became stepbrothers because their parents got married. They have a very complete opposite personality; Drake is a “heartthrob-type” of guy that every girl dreams of, he’s role is like a cool and mesmerizing type of person, while Josh is the nerdy and dork type of guy. It’s really unimaginable for them to be patch up. But, eventually everything went well and they considered themselves as if they were biological brothers.

For their case, I think Drake and Josh’s parents in the story handled the situation well because, even though at first it was kind of awkward and unusual; they were able to manage it and make things at ease. As you could see it is a very peculiar situation. Even though I never experience being in one, I could say that starting another family is not going to be easy, because each member of the family will be adjusting for a new environment, new people, new home and everything will not be at the usual situation as before. Although we all know that things are not going to be the same anymore, the best thing that anyone could do is to give a good orientation to children. Remember “Their future is in your hands.”

As I was researching for more information about blended families, I saw this article of Candice Lewis: “4 Benefits of Living in a Blended Family.”  Before I opened the link, I tried to brainstorm some benefits of being part of a blended family instead of thinking about the negative sides of it, and all I thought about was “People in this situation will have the opportunity of having a new beginning and they will have a bigger number of family members.” So I opened the link and read the 4 main benefits, which are: “Happier Parents, Extended Family, Higher Lifestyle and More number of role models”

What I learn about this, is to see the positive side of the every situation. Do not think about the problem instead; think about the solution to the problem. And before making a major decision we should think about the things that might happen and the people involved or are going to be affected by ones decision. 

Post 10: Divorce, Separation, Broken family – Seeing its positive side

When you say divorce, the next thing that comes to one’s mind is having a broken family.

How do you consider a divorce? How do you see having a broken family? How do you find children opened in this situation at an early age? Are you bothered? Is it a positive or negative thing for you? Is it really a big deal?

For most people they see broken families and divorce as a negative thing, because they say that a typical family is always complete; it has a mother, father and their children and also because the negative side is more evident than the positive side.

According to some articles that I've read, children in broken families are usually in pain, shocked full of anger that could to lead numerous crimes; they become rebellious, depressed, that engages them to use drugs and drink alcohol. They become depressed and find revenge and a lot more things. It's also stated that they could even kill themselves if they are not able to handle the situation anymore. But, on the other hand some say that divorce and separation should be considered positive. One example is Lisa Ling and Delaine, They wrote articles about the positive side about broken families.

An article of Cathy Meyer: “My Kids Witness Broken Families – And it’s a Positive Thing.” Delaine is a parent, ever since she was young; she was used of her friends encountering such situation. All she thinks whenever she hears another story is that her friends' life is doomed because at her time “child of divorce was marked with fear and shame.” It is fine for her that her children is exposed to TV shows that portrays broken families like Drake and Josh that shows blended family and iCarly that shows absence of parents.  As she stated, “I like being there to field my kids’ questions and discuss issues these programs address.” She even stated that she is happy that her kids are having healthy young role models that don’t come from the perfect nuclear family.

Another story is Lisa Ling’s experience, when she was at the age of seven her parents divorced. For her, it was the best thing that happen in her life because, she believed that her parents are not really meant for each other. And instead of stressing out their selves it’s better for them to separate. After the divorce of her parents, they (her sister and Lisa) experienced two different kinds of lifestyles with two different people. Their parents even became friends after that incident.

I never thought that there was actually a positive side of this kind of situation. As I read different kinds of opinions and stories, I tried to look back on my experience and realized that there were actually positive sides behind it. I became stronger (mentally and emotionally), I was able to know my talents and abilities because all I wanted was attention (I never knew that it was actually positive), and I also strived to be in the honors, it changed my perspective and my outlook towards life, I became more optimistic and thing changed and was inverted around. I realized that It is good to see things positively, than looking on the negative side of a condition.

Post 9: Financial Problem

Financial problem is one of the major problems for most families, this is one of the reasons why some families give up and fall apart. Are you going to give up your family just because of money?

Financial problem should not really be a big issue, but why do they make it big? I’m wondering why some people go crazy just because of money, as if they are possessed.  According to some investopedia staff in investopedia.com “Everyone uses money. We all want it, work for it and think about It.”  Basically money is something that would just come and go in a person’s life. It may be essential or necessary for everyone, but I think it is not a valid reason to make a ruckus or fuss about it.

According to Janese Silvey’s article “Financial problems take toll on families”– “children’s behaviors are affected by issues beyond their immediate surroundings.” As Gustavo Carlo stated, that “Parents who experience financial problems and depression are less likely to feel connected to their children. And those children are less likely to engage in positive social behaviors, such as volunteering.”

Being a parent is going to be a very bold and tough decision. Parents must also be considerate about their children, because how the children behave is also affected, especially when parents are detached with them.

Each member of the family especially the parents must know how to be responsible in handling money. At the first place, parents should know that before entering a married life, one should be prepared encountering such problems or at least be ready and responsible enough to stand by their own before making any decision.

Post 8: Bullying

Bullying - when one says “bully,” what’s the first thing that pops into your mind: little children teasing each other, parents abusing their children, sexually harassing another person, fist fighting, or saying statements of racism towards another person? Have you ever been bullied by your friends, classmates, and family - or have you ever thought that you are a bully yourself?

Well according to Katherine Lee, “Bullying is intentional aggressive behavior. It can take the form of physical or verbal harassment and involves an imbalance of power.” Instances of bullying are when you tease or embarrass another or when you feel like hurting somebody. It may be for a reason or it could be just for the fun of it.  Bullies are people who enjoy the misery of others.

I have had classmates before that bully other students because they are not noticed in their own home. Bullying would be their way to express their feelings of wanting attention from their own family; their actions are a way of compensating for the attention they do not receive at home. They don’t care if people will hate them; all they want is their attention.

As Ron Banks stated in his article,"Bullying in School" - Bullies need someone to discipline and supersede them, because they seem to find joy with other’s misery. According to studies, bullies often come from homes where physical punishment is implemented.

In the past, I thought that bullying is helpful especially in teaching another discipline. Personally, I was bullied and I became a bully; I’ve hurt my best friends physically and emotionally because I thought it was a way to help them get high grades. I thought it would be helpful because that was how I was trained. But I realized it wasn’t good for them, because it created a negative effect on them. They become traumatized because of what I did; they started thinking that if they would do any small mistake, I would bit them. Eventually I realized the exact point was to be afraid.

Discipline with physical abuse should be something that one would think twice about doing. It may create a negative or positive outcome. In my case, I was motivated through physical and emotional pain, but they eventually comforted me. I’ve learned that although fear is one factor to use in discipline, love is also as important.